A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the snow plow got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart..."

Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it? Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me?

- How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile? - Two. One to launch it, one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

What's the definition of a Parapet? Pet parrot kept by parachutist!

Cop: Why didn't you stop when I shouted at you back there? Motorist: I thought you were saying "Good morning, Mr. Mayor." Cop: Right. I wanted to warn you about going too fast through the next town.

What did the dog use to make his kite? Flypaper.

Two men were having a drink together. One said, "I'd rather live with a vampire than with my wife." "Why's that?" asked the other. "Because she's always trying to bite my head off," he replied.

What is the softest bed for a baby to sleep on? Cot-on-wool.

Q: How do cats buy things? - A: From a cat-alogue!

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!