Doctor, Doctor I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off. Oh dear, that's a lot of calories!

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

A man coughed violently, and his false teeth shot across the room and smashed against the wall. "Oh, dear," he said, "whatever shall I do? I can't afford a new set." "Don't worry," said his friend. "I'll get a pair from my brother for you." The next day the friend came back with the teeth, which fitted perfectly. "This is wonderful," said the man. "Your brother must be a very good dentist." "Oh, he's not a dentist," replied the friend, "he's an undertaker."

Q. Where does a fish keep his money A. In the River Bank!

Visitor: Wow, you have a lot of flies buzzing round your horses and cows. Do you ever shoo them? Cowboy: No we just let them go barefoot.

Knock Knock Who's there ! Boise ! Boise who ? Boise ivy !

How do you know that cats are sensitive creatures? They never cry over spilt milk !

How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented? They were very impressed!

What cake wanted to rule the world? Attila the Bun.

Knock Knock Who's there ! Adolf ! Adolf who ? Adolf ball hit me in the mouth !