What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep ? A stripey sweater !

Q: How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London? A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

What did the elephant say to the famous detective ? It's ele-mentary, my dear Sherlock !

How would you get four reindeer in a car? Two in the front and two in the back! And how do you get four polar bears in a car? Take the reindeer out first

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant." "But you are not wearing any of those things." "I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go nuts looking for the jewelry."

What question must always be answered, "Yes"? "What does Y-E-S spell?"

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" "No." A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly. "That's not my dog."

Knock Knock Who's there ! Bruce ! Bruce who ? I Bruce easily, don't hit me !

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of pregnancy in the world. Proceed with caution.

Why is a burning candle like being thirsty ? Beacause a little water ends both of them !