Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father. "Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance ? Man: It did for a while - then it fell off.

Q: How do you picture yourself flying on a broom? A: By witchful thinking.

Can you spell jealousy with two letters? NV (envy).

Q. What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear? A. "Thanks for the refill!"

Why did the two knives go to the dance together? Because they both looked sharp!

The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool. "Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool." "Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!?"

Q: Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school? A: If they sent her to a public school, the secret service would be out-gunned!

Knock Knock Who's there ! Bernie ! Bernie who ? Bernie bridges !