A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man, and a lawyer were sitting on a train. The Frenchman offered everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from." The Englishman offered everyone a crumpet, then threw the rest out of the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from." Then the American threw the lawyer out the window, saying...

Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!

A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary." When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that l8 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18."

What do you call the horse than lives next door? A neighbour!

Does killing time damage eternity?

Where do trees keep their money? In branch banks.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Eye Patch Barbie ...with a choice of eye patch colors: purple, hot pink, or aqua!

For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents." "Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now.."

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

A man once asked Gandhi what he thought of western civilization. Ghandi replied, ''I think it would be a good idea.''