There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Banzai Barbie ...a small tree cut into a shape that vaguely resembles Barbie

What do you get if you cross a labrador and a tortoise ? A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and bring back last weeks paper !

Knock Knock Who's there ! Amory ! Amory who ? Amory Christmas and a Happy New Year !

How many librarians does it take to screw in a light bulb? "I don't know, but I can look it up for you."

Three men: an editor, a photographer, and a journalist are covering a political convention in Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish." The photographer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas. The journalist went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean. Last, but not least, it was the editor's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie. "I want them both back after lunch" replied the editor, "the deadline for tomorrow's newspaper is in about ten hours.

Boy monster: You've got a face like a million dollars ! Girl monster: Have I really ? Boy monster: Yes - it's green and wrinkly !

Stan: I won 92 goldfish. Fred: Where are you going to keep them ? Stan: In the bathroom Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath ? Stan: Blindfold them !

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie....Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation. To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW. To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did y ou cheat on your wife?" The third man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation. A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out. "Why are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the mansion and limo!" The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!"

"Why did your boyfriend return his Christmas tie?" "He said it was too tight."

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning? A: It swells at night.