Johnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?" The priest says, "Because I'm a father." Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids and he don't wear his collar backwards." The priest says "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children." Johnny says, "You should wear your trousers backwards."
She's so stupid she thinks a shoplifter is a very strong person who goes round picking up shops.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp ? A bear faced lyre !
Can I have a broken drum for Christmas? The best thing you could have asked for. You can't beat it!
Q: Why are blondes like corn flakes? A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly the brunette yells, ''EARTHQUAKE!!!'' Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes. The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly the redhead yells, ''TORNADO!!!'' Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes. By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! Aim!'' and the blonde yells, ''FIRE!!!'''
A hound dog and a dalmation were sitting in an Internet cafe and the dalmation said to the hound, "Hey, check out my web site!" The hound asked for the address and the dalmation responded, "www.dalmation.dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot.
What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other? Isaiah!
What's Tarzan's favourite Christmas song? Jungle bells.
What are a parrot's favourite literary characters? Mr Macawber and Pollyanna!