Dad, would you like to save some money? I certainly would, son. Any suggestions? Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.

What kind of car drives over water? Any kind of car, if it goes over a bridge.

The Escaping Herd by Gay Topen

A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer said, "That's once." A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, "That's twice." After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse. His brand new bride yelled, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do." The farmer said, "That's once."

Two elderly ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. The lady asked, "What's that?" "A condom," the other lady responded. "This way my cigarette doesn't get wet." "Where did you get it?" the other lady asked. "You can get them at any drugstore." The next day, the first lady hobbled herself down to the local drugstore and announced to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looked at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers. "It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel." The pharmacist fainted.

Q: How does Bill keep Gennifer Flowers away from the White House? A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.

Q: When is a bad time to cross a black cat? A: When you are a mouse!

Bentley and his wife and son were sitting at the dinner table when the boy suddenly blurted out, "Gee, you're dumb, Mom. You don't know anything." "Now, son," scolded Bentley, "you musn't be picky about your mother's little faults."

There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Mick Jagger Barbie ...Mick with Barbie's head...but Mick's lips

What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson? He stank to the bottom of the pool!