An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building. "Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them." "Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break. When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?" "Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"

Do you know what a mice said when it saw a bat? Mom ! I see an angel.

I love the lines men use to get us into bed. "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I, a microwave?

Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table. Said the mysterious old woman, "For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future." Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend." "That's true," said Paul. "Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?" "Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?" "Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters."

What do you call a robbery in China ? A Chinese take away !

What do you call a cow who argues with her husband? A bullfighter!

What does a pig use to write his term papers with? Pen and Oink!

Q: How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde? A: It is the one with the kickstand.

What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet? Wait until he's finished.

Who is the dogs favourite comedian ? Growlcho Marx !