Farmer Jones bought a herd of pigs from a Roman farmer who moved into the next valley and boy, is he sorry. The hogs won't come to the feed trough unless he calls them in Pig Latin.

Have you seen www.blottingpaper.com? Yes, I found it very absorbing.

Why did the vampire take up acting? It was in his blood.

Q: Why can't Chinese Barbecue? A: Because the rice falls through the grill

Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing double. Please sit on the couch. Which one!

If twenty dogs run after one cat, what time is it? Twenty after one.

What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas ? Grave-y !

Have you seen www.dustbin.com? Yes, but it's a load of rubbish.

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his PROFILE." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best ans wer you can come up with?" Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?" "That's e asy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

Golfer: "This golf is a funny game." Caddy: "It's not supposed to be."