When do accountants laugh out loud? When somebody asks for a raise

Yo mama's so fat, when she was in school she sat next to everybody!

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle? The parrots eat em all (Paracetamol)

What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up!

Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.

What did the scornful owl say? Twit twoo.

The frightened tourist: "Are there any bats in this cave?" The guide: "There were, but don't worry, the snakes ate all of them."

"Can you read Chinese?" "Yes, but only when it's printed in English."

Q: Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"? A: Because it was always running out of the pen.

Q: How does Bill Clinton say "I'm about to hurt you"? A: "Trust me."