Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia ? Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines !
First Kangaroo: If you were surrounded by 30 lions, 25 elephants and 10 hippos, how would you get away from them? Second Kangaroo: Step off the merry-go-round.
What kind of physician works on a cruise liner? A dry doc.
What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?- A wash and wear wolf
Fred: Your sister uses too much make-up. Harry: Do you think so? Fred: Yes. It's so thick that if you tell her a joke, five minutes after she's stopped laughing her face is still smiling!
Tower: Mission triple-three, do you have problems? Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass. Tower: Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel..
What does Dracula say to his victims? It's been nice gnawing you.
Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser." "Oh really, hmm, didn't know that." Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!" "Oh really, hmm, didn't know that." Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!" The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped hi m on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!" "Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."
Q. Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? A. So they can find their way back to the house.
Q: How many editors does it take to change a light bulb? A: If we change the light bulb, we'll have to change everything.