Why did the duck stick his leg into a computer? He wanted to have webbed feet.

A stupid bank robber rushed into a bank, pointed two fingers at the clerk and said, "This is a muck up!" "Don't you mean a stick up?" asked the girl. "No," said the robber, "it's a muckup. I've forgotten my gun."

What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Christmas? A ghoul Yule!

Marriage is a three ring circus: - Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.

What do you call a stupid skeleton? Bonehead.

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do? "I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way." "No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time a t all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way." "Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."

What's grey and moves at a hundred miles an hour ? A jet propelled elephant !

Sign seen in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? A. Because those men already have boyfriends.

Teacher: What is can't short for ? Pupil: Cannot miss Teacher: and what is don't short for Pupil: Doughnut !