Did you hear about the University of Miami fullback who stayed up all night studying for his urine test?

What do you get if you cross a snake with a hotdog? A fangfurther.

A psychologist is at a party talking with a small group of people, when a man comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder. The psychologist turns around and the man hauls off and decks him. The psychologist gets up, brushes himself off, turns to the group and declares: "That's his problem."

TEACHER: Jackie, take 932 from 1,439. What is the difference? Stella: That's what I say, what's the difference`?

Q: How many Iranians does it take to change a light bulb? A: One hundred - One to screw it in and 99 to hold the house hostage.

What did Napoleon become when he was 41 years old ? A year older on his birthday !

What's so bad about being a dick? Your closest mates are 2 nuts and an ass hole, your master covers you in a plastic bag, And every time you get excited you spew.

Sharon: I'm so homesick. Sheila: But this is your home! Sharon: I know and I'm sick of it.

What do you call an ant who likes to be alone ? An independant !

Rumor has it that the new Miami baseball team will be called "Humidity" so that fans in Florida will be able to say, "It's not the Heat that's so bad, it's the Humidity."