Why do the hamburgers beat the hot dogs at every sport they play? Because hot dogs are the wurst!

We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'

Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? A: One.

Q: What what can you make from baked beans and onions? A: Tear gas.

Yo mama feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates!

The Lady Artist by Andrew Pictures

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road. Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer. They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed like hours. When the chauffeur came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his driver had been in there so long. "Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses." explained the driver. "What did you tell the farmer?" Limbaugh asked. The chauffeur replied, "I told him I was Rush Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the pig."

How do you make gold soup? Put 14 carrots in it.

What do you do for a pig with sore muscles? Rub him with oinkment.

What is a snowman's favorite book ? War and Frozen Peas !