Did you hear about the sister who wrote herself a letter and forgot to sign it and when it arrived she didn't know who it was from.

If I had five coconuts and I gave you three, how many would I have left ? I don't know. Why not ? In our school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges.

Q: How many Taureans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, but just *try* to convince them that the burnt out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.

A wildlife biologist is working in the woods, miles from the nearest town. He's camped alone with his dog and cat as his companions. Suddenly, an old gentleman carrying a small limp dog, franticly runs into his camp. "Please, please help me! I think something has happened to Willie. Our Winnebago is parked just around the bend and we've seen you camped here. We didn't know what to do. We thought of you because we had seen all this scientific equipment laying around here. Can you help him?" " Sir, I'm not a vet, I'm a wildlife biologist," the young biologist told the worried man. "Can you please just have a look at him, I'll pay you anything you need. I just need to know. If he's still alive, maybe I can rush him into town." "Ok, put him here on the table." The young biologist looks the limp dog over, but its plain that the dog is dead,, no pulse or signs of breathing. "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid poor Willie is dead." "No, I can't believe that..... It can't be true...are you sure?" "Yes, I'm quite sure." "I just can't believe that....With all this equipment, isn't there something you can do? I must be absolutely sure." The biologist called his big yellow cat over to the table. The cat walked around the dead dog, occasionally sniffing at the carcass. He then looks up at the biologist and let out a few weak meows. "Well, the cat say he's dead. Does that assure you?" "No, I need more than that...Do you have anything else?" The biologist calls over his big black dog. The dog circles the body a few times, sniffing it every now and then. After a few moments, the dog barks at the biologist. "Well, now the dog says he's dead. That's all I can do for you sir." "OK, well I guess its true. I'll take him back and bury him...How much do I owe you?" "It'll be $650 bucks." The biologist tells the old man. "What??", replied the old man, "How can you charge that much??!!" "Well sir, I could have told you he was dead for only a dollar, but you're the one that insisted on the cat scan and the lab tests!"

Q: What did Boris Yelstin say when asked if meeting Clinton made want to convert Russia to the type of government they have in America? A: "Never! I'm not going to let my wife run the country!!"

Teacher: What happened to your homework? Pupil: I made it into a paper plane and someone hijacked it.

Be careful never to let a blonde have a coffee break... It takes too long to retrain her afterwards!

Knock Knock Who's there ! Axel ! Axel who ? Axel grease !

What do you find in an elephants graveyard ? Elephantoms !

What's a moo hoo for a cattle dinner? Cow chow!