A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel. The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain. He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- make sure th e captain is aboard before getting under way!"

Q: Why did the gorilla fall out of the tree ? A: Because it was dead.

What's got six legs and can fly long distances ? Three swallows !

Dewey and Odell met on the Brownsville main street. "Say," said Dewey, "Ah hurd yew and yore wife is goin' ta night school ta take Spanish lessons. How cum?" "Uh huh," answered Odell. "We went and adopted us a little Mexican baby, and we wanna be able ta understand him when he gets old enough ta talk!"

What do you use to determine if a refrigerated burger is cold enough? A thermomeater!

What's an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

How do you turn a Fox into a Pit Bull? Marry her !

Who loves hamburgers, French fries, and ants? Ronald MacAardvark!

Why did the pig go to the casino? To play the slop machine!

Slim walked into his local post office and noticed a new sign on the wall: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN MONTANA "Gosh!" he said, "If n only that job was in Texas, Ah'd take it!"