A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

When the cat's away.....? The house smells better !

The hotel we stayed in for our holiday offered bed and board, but it was impossible to say which was the bed and which was the board.

Knock Knock Who's there ! Basket ! Basket who ? Basket home, it's nearly dark!

Why don't mexicans have barbeques? the beans keep slipping through the grill.

A man sitting in a barber's chair noticed that the barber's hands were very dirty. When he commented on this, the barber explained, "Yes, sir, no one's been in for a shampoo yet."

Doctor, doctor, I keep trying to get into fights. And how long have you had this complaint? Who wants to know?

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum. "I've just discovered a 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed. To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out." A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?" "Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."

What helps keep your teeth together? Toothpaste.

What do you get if you cross the Lone Ranger with an insect ? The Masked-quito !