Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America ? On their feet !

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."

Knock Knock Who's there ! Caterpillar ! Caterpillar who ? Caterpillar a few mice for you !

A shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively. "Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a journalist and I've got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"

How did the jury find the hamburger? Grill-ty as charred!

What do cows usually fly around in? Helicowpters and Bulloons.

Where do Eskimos train their dogs ? In the mush room !

Egotistical Harry was always reminding people that he played semi-pro baseball. "I was the James Bond type of player," he told his friends. "I had all sorts of tricks to confuse the opposition." "Batted .007," his wife added.

What did the dog say to the pig? You are just a bore.

How do Iranians speak on the telephone? Persian-to-Persian (person-to-person).