An old couple in an old folks home are having an affair, nothing much they just sit watching TV late at night while the old woman holds the old mans dick. Then suddenly the old man ends the affair because of another woman. The old woman's distraught and yells, "WHAT'S THIS OTHER WOMAN GOT THAT I HAVEN'T!" The old man smiles and says, "Parkinson's disease"
When do e-mails stop being in black and white? When they are read.
What is a cannibal's favorite food? Baked Beings.
What do witches ring for in a hotel? B-room service.
This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course). That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks. Well, they said, "let's try this out." Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounce d the command, "Heel!" Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.
What did the great Ape say as he plummeted from the skyscraper? Listen baby, I think I'm falling for you!
A blonde opened a hair salon next to a graveyard and named it ''Curl Up and Dye.''
Why did the baby monster put his father in the freezer? Because he wanted frozen pop.
Q: How many Hillary Clintons does it take to change a light bulb? A: One--she just holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Who succeeded the first President of the USA ? The second one !