At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!"

Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to Taco Bell, they run for the border !!

CUSTOMER: Can you make a pig shake? WAITER: Tell him the wolf is coming.

"So glad to meet you" said the Hindu politely ? "Charmed I'm sure ", replied the snake !

"It's clear" said the teacher, "That you haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse?" "Well, my dad says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until it settles down!"

A husband suspects his wife is having an affair with a pilot, but she keeps denying it--until finally the husband just knew when his wife said: "Honey, I've told you once, I've told you twice, I've told you niner thousand times, negative on the affair ..."

Teacher: Frd, give me a sentence starting with "I." Fred: I is . . . Teacher: No, Fred. You must always say "I am." Fred: Oh, right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Q: How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Seven; one to change and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.

Do you send e-mails on your home computer? What's the point? I can just bring my home along with me and have a chat.

Where do Russian cows come from? Moscow!