A couple decided that the only way to have a quickie while their ten-year- old son was in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and let him give a running report on what was going on in the neighbourhood. So the boy stood on the balcony and reported on everything that was happening. "A police car has just called at the Hamiltons' house, the Chandlers are taking delivery of a new wardrobe, and the Mitchell's are having sex." Hearing this, the boy's parents shot bolt upright. "How do you know the Mitchells are having sex?" "Because their kid is standing on the balcony too."

Mum, does God use the bathroom? No, what a funny question! Then why did Dad say this morning, 'Oh, God, are you still in there?'

What do Snowmen call their offspring? Chill-dren.

What do you call a 100 spiders on a tyre ? A spinning wheel !

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." The new man asked, "What happened?" "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"

Knock Knock Who's there ! Cole ! Cole who ? Cole as a cucumber !

What does Father Christmas call his money ? Iced lolly ?

Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

Once a madman said, "Do you know there is a war going on between India and Bharat? Another madman said, "Why should we worry, we live in Hindustan."

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating? A: By the buckle print on her forehead.