An employee of USAir with the last name of Gay boarded a USAir flight with a free travel voucher. Soon after he sat down, someone else came and claimed he had the same seat assignment, so Mr. Gay moved down do an empty seat. Soon after that the airplane began to fill up. The rule with the USAir employee vouchers is that if a paying customer needs your seat, you have to surrender it. So when the flight became completely full and still more needed to get on, a flight attendant went to the original seat of Mr. Gay and said the man now sitting there, "Excuse me, are you Gay?'' The man, somewhat stunned, said, "Well, yes, as a matter of fact I am!'' The flight attendant said, "I'm sorry, but you'll have to get off the plane.'' At this point Mr. Gay, who had been watching all of this, jumped up and said, "Excuse me, you've made a mistake--I'm Gay!'' Finally, another m an jumped up and said, "Well, hell, I'm gay too! They can't throw us all off!''

Knock Knock Who's there ! Blair ! Blair who ? Blair play !

What's the difference between a sigh, a car and a monkey? A sigh is oh, dear. A car is too dear. A monkey is you, dear.

Why did the bees go on strike ? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers !

What did the scornful owl say? Twit twoo.

What's the difference between a monster and a mouse? A monster makes bigger holes in the skirting board.

What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter? "Quack! Quack! Quack!"

A young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriend had proposed but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell. "Marry him anyway, dear." the Mother said. "Between the two of us, we'll show him just how *wrong* he is."

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"

Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It's distracting!" Caddy: "This isn't a watch, sir, its a compass!"