A man was walking along a beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!" The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. "Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete! How much steel! You're going to have to think of another wish." The man agreed, and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My w ives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment. I want to figure out why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing', and know how to make them truly happy." The genie paused for a while and said, "How many lanes do you want on that bridge?"

Can you spell soft and slow with two letters? EZ.

Q: What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common? A: Both can smell it but can't eat it.

How did the dog make gold soup? He put in 24 carrots.

Did you hear about the lady whose house was infested with Easter eggs? She had to call an eggs-terminator!

What did you get for your birthday? Another year!

Judge: Tell me your occupation. Prisoner; I'm a locksmith, Your Honour. Judge: Then what were you doing in a jewellery shop in the middle of the night when the police saw you? Prisoner; Making a bolt for the door!

What do West Virginians call a pretty woman? A tourist.

Q: How do you get a German out of the bath? A: Turn on the water.

yo mama is so fat you could use her belly button as a wishing well...