Patron: This bread is stale. Waiter: It wasn't last week.

Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car? Because he was a car-case.

Teacher: How much is half of 8? Pupil: Up and down or across? Teacher: What do you mean? Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!

What did they say about the burger who went skiing for the first time? How the meaty have fallen!

Does killing time damage eternity?

Knock Knock Who's there ! Belize ! Belize who ? Belize yourself then !

Yo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!

One woman to another at a singles bar: "I'm not as optimistic about relationships as I used to be. These days, when I meet a man, I ask myself, Is this the guy I want my children to spend every other weekend with?"

What is the difference between a fly and a bird ? A bird can fly but a fly can't bird !

Knock Knock Who's there ! Brad ! Brad who ? Brad news I'm afraid !