First Cannibal: "Have you seen the dentist?" Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."

Colin Powell, once USA's highest ranking military officer, (now Secretary of State), loves to relate this incident from his Vietnam days. It shows the importance of clear objectives. Finding an outpost at a very vulnerable spot, Powell decided to investigate why it was location was chosen. He was assured that it was a very important outpost. "What's it's mission?" " To protect the airfield!" "What's the airfield here for?" "To resupply the outpost!"

Women are like computers -- even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

Three boys were sharing the same bed on holiday, but it was so crowded that one of them decided to sleep on the floor. After a while, one of his friends told him he might as well get in to bed again. There's lots of room now,' he said.

What do you call the story of The Three Little Pigs? A pig tail!

Cheapskate Republicans buy an artificial Christmas tree. Tight-fisted Democrats buy a real tree, but they wait until the week before Christmas when the lots lower their prices. Green Democrats buy a real tree with roots, and then replant it after New Years.

What part of a football pitch smells nicest ? The scenter spot !

What do you call a pretend railway ? A play station !

There were 11 people hanging on to a single rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying to bring them to safety. Ten were men; one was a woman. They all decided that one person would have to let go because if they didn't, the rope would break and all of them would die. No one could decide who it should be. Finally the woman gave a really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving things up for their husbands and children and giving in to men. All of the men started clapping.

Why was there a bug in the computer? It was looking for a byte to eat.