What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents ? Santa pause !

What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? An aardvark with the sniffles!

Which ghost ate too much porridge? Ghouldilocks.

Who invented the telephone? The Phoenicians (phone-itions).

In the midst of a veritable downpour, a gallant driver saw a woman alone in the mud trying to change a flat tire, and couldn't bear passing her by. He completed the job for her, and, soaked to the skin, exclaimed jovially, "There, little lady, that's done!" "Quiet," she ordered him. "You'll wake up my husband. He's taking a nap in the back seat."

Johnny comes back from school crying and says, "Mommy all the kids in the school say I have a big head." His mother replies, "No you don't Johnny. You have a hideously deformed head. The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect your feelings."

What did the baby chick say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange ? 'Dad, dad, look what marma-laid' !

When do ghosts play tricks on each other? On April Ghoul's Day

What should you buy if your hair falls out ? A good vacuum cleaner !

There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Dirty Harry Barbie ...comes with large caliber pistol; pull the string and she says, "Go ahead >giggle< Make my day!"