When the lumberjacks sawed down the tree, where did the Gorilla hiding in the uppermost branches land? Nearby - the Ape-lle doesn't fall far from the tree!

Mother: Why is there a strange baby in the crib? Daughter: You told me to change the baby.

Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads? Because they're headcases.

Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in? They had to pay the jockey overtime!

Q: How many Arians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Only one Arian, but an awful lot of light bulbs. (*smash*)

Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes? A: They're doing research on black holes.

Why did the piglets do badly in school? They were all slow loiners.

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ? Santa Claustrophobia !

What did the metric alien say ? Take me to your litre !

How many chocolate bunnies can you put into an empty Easter basket? One. After that the basket won't be empty.