A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie." The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

Q: What do you get when you mix a rooster with a telephone pole? A: A 30ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone

'Why are you crying, Ted ?' asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt.' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.' 'But they are the only feet I have.'

Why do you need a driver's licence to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Q: How many publishers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Three. One to screw it in and two more to hold down the editor.

What business is King Kong in? Monkey business.

Mr Monster: Oi, hurry up with my supper. Mrs Monster: Oh, do be quiet I've only got three pairs of hands.

Who turns the lights off at halloween ? The light's witch !

What does a footballer and a magician have in common ? Both do hat tricks !

Lee was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent his wife her alimony payment each month. When he was asked the reason for his haste he shivered and replied: "I'm afraid that if I should ever fall behind in the payments to that witch, she might well try to repossess me."