What steps should you take if you see a dangerous animal on your travels? Very large ones.

Laws of Accounting 1. Trial balances don't 2. Bank reconciliations never do 3. Working Capital does not 4. Return on Investments never will

Pupil: Sir, would you mind e-mailing my exam results to my parents? Teacher: But your parents don't have a comuter. Pupil: Exactly!

MRS MONSTER TO MR MONSTER: Try to be nice to my mother when she visits us this weekend, dear. Fall down when she hits you.

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican's pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.

What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses ? If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital !

What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand? Cows-mopolitan!

Q: Why doesn't Saddam go out drinking? A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home?

Did you hear about the dumb father who returned from lunch and saw a sign on his door, "Back in 30 minutes," so he sat down to wait for himself?

"Helga, tell me something. Why do Swedish men always have stupid grins on their faces?" "Because they're stupid," said her friend.