Dentist to parsimonious patient "No, we give no discount for empty spaces when cleaning and polishing teeth Mrs. Borde!"

Whats the definition of love, true love, and showing off? Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

Carpet Fitting by Walter Wall

A newlywed couple, after bringing their luggage into their cabin, stormed down to the desk. The bride was in tears, and the groom was red faced. When asked what the problem was, the groom started swearing at the desk clerk. "We booked a cabin with a view for our honeymoon, and all we get to see out the window is a parking lot!"

A farmer was interviewing a young man for the job of assistant farmhand. `You'll need to be fit,' said the farmer. `Have you ever had any illnesses? Any accidents?' 'No, sir,' replied the young man proudly. `But you're on crutches. You must have had an accident!' said the farmer. `Oh, the crutches!' said the young man. `A bull tossed me last week. But that wasn't an accident! He did it on purpose!'

Who sings "Love me tender", and makes Christmas toys? Santa's little Elvis.

Q. "Why do the commodes in Marine barracks have the cut-out type seats?" A. "So that if the seat falls while they're drinking, it won't smack them in the back of the head"

Which author do the Gorillas love most? Joh Steinbeck - who wrote 'The Apes of Wrath!'

Q. How does Bill Gates enter his house? A. He uses "windows".

What happened when the chicken ate cement ? She laid a sidewalk !