Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Six. One to screw in the lightbulb and five to fend off all those Californians trying to share the experience.

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked. The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" The lady confirmed, "Yes." "Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."

Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere? Yak the Ripper

What do you get hanging from Father Christmas' roof? Tired arms!

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel. "Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver." "I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart." "I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."

What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor ? Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go !

Q: What was the real purpose of Bill's college visit to Moscow? A: To study economics.

What did the earwig say as it fell down the stairs ? Ear we go !

What did the bumble bee striker say? Hive scored!

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift? Exchange him.