Criminal: Why don't you hire these twins for the robbery, boss? Criminal Boss: I'm afraid of a double-cross.

Teacher: Are you good at math? Pupil: Yes and no Teacher: What do you mean? Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math!

What should you do if you find a snake in your bed? Sleep in the wardrobe.

What did the judge say when a skunk entered the courtroom? Answer: Odor, Odor in the court!!!

Wife to Husband: I'll have you know I've got the face of a teenager! Husband to Wife: Then you should give it back, you're wearing it out.

How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented? They were very impressed!

How many South Dakotans does it take to go ice fishing? Four. One to cut the hole in the ice, and three to push the boat through.

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep. The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do. Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him. "So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"

What do you call a mayfly with a criminal tendencies ? Baddy long legs !

How do footballers send messages? By referee-mail.