Why, if the best things in life are free, the next-best things are so expensive?

What kind of cat should you take into the desert ? A first aid kitty !

In the summer desert heat, what did a dust devil say to the over-talkative dust devil? -You are really blowing a lot of hot air

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses. At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. So me passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"

It was so hot when we went on holiday last year that we had to take turns sitting in each other's shadow.

What do you call explosive cow vomit? A cud missle!

What has 3 tails, 4 trunks and 6 feet ? An elephant with spare parts !el

If you found a five dollar bill in every pocket of your coat, what would you have ? Someone else's coat.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? A: Wiped his ass.

What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day? A forty-carrot wedding ring.