If all the nations in the world are in the debt, where did all the money go?

What kind of dog can you best see in the dark? A glowberman pinscher!

LH741: Tower, give me a rough time check Tower: It's Thursday, Sir.

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff a fat, little Israeli guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a coke." "No problem," said the Israeli. "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Arab picked up the Israeli's shoe and spit in it. When the Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good. I think I'll have one too." Again, the Israeli obligingly went to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab other picked up the other shoe and spit in it. The Israeli returned with the coke, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York. As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our peoples..... this hatred... this animosity... this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?"

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps." The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps." Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up."

What would you get if you crossed a monster with a Thanksgiving dessert? Bumpkin pie!

Is the squirt from an elephants trunk very powerful? Well, a jumbo jet can keep 500 people oin the air for hours at a time !

Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out light bulb?

Don't you just hate the blatant materialism surrounding Christmas? And aren't you just dying to know what you got?

What do ghosts say when a girl footballer is sent off ? Ban-she, ban-she !